Leaving the house on my way to the studio I saw two guys playing catch. They were topless, muscular, throwing the ball quite far at a decent pace, that I had to go ask if I could join them. Of course they said yes, even though I approached with a certain apprehension. I’m slowly understanding this feeling as a pandemic byproduct which has materialised as the weather has become more pleasant. It’s as if for the first time in my life the appearance of the sun has arrived with anxiety, as usually I’m in such anticipation for it that’s it’s comparable to childhood Christmas’s. Maybe it is because the sun was a celebration, that signalled the end of something (winter) and the start of something (summer) that’s more positive. This year it doesn’t feel like there is an end to something (covid) and that the sun is not such a positive (climate change). Or maybe I’m just tired or depressed or socially awkward or..... When I approached the drawing of the ‘Sky’, I was totally in the mindset of figuring out how I was going to draw it and I drew it in an afternoon. The time flew past as I focused solely on the process, thinking directionally how to use the pencils, what pressure to apply and not even having to think about the colours used as they came naturally. The easiest thing to do, would have been to apply the same mindset to the ‘Glass’ drawing and draw it the next day. I decided though to think. To think about my new sun anxiety. To think about what was I drawing, was I drawing the sun, the light, the glass, the sky, the clouds? Which part was what, was the glass enabling the light to be seen or vice versa? Does the light always disperse in the same way....is it better for the representation to be based on what I see through my eyes or through a camera? Has the ‘Sky’ drawing made me ask too many questions? Then all of a sudden my mind took me back 13 years ago to a note my father had left at the side of his death bed. Written on a piece of cardboard from a packet of biscuits, my father had in cursive, written all the ailments of his aging body. One of these was written as ‘white out in sunshine’. I still don’t know what this means.